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EXCLUSIVE!!! Steve Jobs farts in a hallway; Verizon iPhone IMMINENT!

I’m taking time out of my CES coverage as well as my normal Android musings to take a look at an issue that has seen growing attention as of late, and I feel it’s time I share my opinion with the 4 people that read my work, and the 4billion that will stumble upon it after a google search.

There has been an increasing amount of noise regarding the Verizon iPhone. It’s the device that will finally answer the question “Was I holding it wrong, or was it AT&T’s crap network?” for many users around the US. The signal to noise level when trying to get anything intelligent out of it’s release is madness, and it’s growing every day. Today, the guys at Boy Genius report got wind that on February 3-6 Apple was not allowing vacations. This is not new behavior for Apple, who did the same during the iPhone 4 release. BGR takes this information and swings wide with what is basically “Well what else could it be, if not the Verizon iPhone?”

I weep for the families of the BGR staff, who have all seemingly developed both ADD and some significant form of Alzheimer’s. This broad and mostly useless statement from BGR seems to be in complete ignorance of a device Apple announced they had actually planned to release in this timeframe. For those who follow Apple news, you will be aware that Apple had intended to release the White iPhone4 between Christmas 2010 and Spring 2011. While I obviously don’t have any more information that BGR, it seems their staff have lost a portion of their higher functions, so I am helping out in the only way I know how.

Now, for some real speculation. The Verizon iPhone is real. Chances are high it will be an LTE device, and will come out as the iPhone 5 this summer. I welcome any evidence that  refutes this. Thanks for your time everyone, now back to our CES coverage.

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